LEAVING THE HALL LIGHT ON
Interview with Madeline Sharples
Author bio: During
her 30-year professional career, Madeline Sharples worked as a technical
writer/editor and proposal manager in the aerospace business and wrote grant
proposals in the nonprofit arena. She started to fulfill her dream to work as a
creative writer in the last few years. Her memoir, Leaving the
Hall Light On: A Mother’s Memoir of Living with Her Son’s Bipolar Disorder and
Surviving His Suicide, was released in a hardback edition in 2011 and
re-released in paperback and eBook editions by Dream of Things
in 2012.
She also
co-authored Blue-Collar
Women: Trailblazing Women Take on Men-Only Jobs (New Horizon Press, 1994), co-edited the poetry
anthology, The Great
American Poetry Show, Volumes 1, 2, and 3, and wrote the poems for two
photography books, The Emerging
Goddess and Intimacy (Paul
Blieden, photographer). Her poems appear online and in print magazines,
recently in the Story Circle Network True Words series, the 2016 Porter Gulch
Review, and the Yellow Chair Review’s 2016 ITWOW (In the Words of Womyn)
anthology.
Madeline’s articles have appeared in
the Huffington Post, Naturally Savvy, Aging Bodies,
and PsychAlive. She also posts at her blog, Choices and
is currently writing a novel. In addition,
she produced a CD of her son’s music called Paul Sharples
at the Piano, as a fundraiser to help
erase the stigma of mental illness and prevent suicide. It was released on the
fifthteenth anniversary of his death in September 2014.
Madeline studied journalism in high school,
wrote for the high school newspaper, studied journalism at the University of
Wisconsin, and received a B.A. degree in English from the University of
California at Los Angeles.
Brief synopsis
of your book: Leaving the Hall
Light On is about living after loss: first
and foremost that she chose to live and go on with life and take care of
herself as a woman, wife, mother, writer. It is about the steps Sharples took
in living with the loss of her son, including making use of diversions to help
ease her grief and the milestones she met toward living a full life without
him. She says, “to let ourselves grieve is to feel the depth of our love. For
those whose children have died, that may take the rest of our lives, but we
will discover the gifts of our loss in the process.”
Leaving the Hall Light On shares several aspects of her son's illness and how she and her
husband, and their other son, Ben, survived Paul's suicide, as it:
· Describes the frustration, anger, and guilt of trying to care
for an adult child with mental illness
· Gives mothers and fathers who have experienced a child's death
ways to get out of the deep dark hole they are in
· Tells people the realities of mental illness
· Describes the steps Sharples took in living with this loss; the
first and foremost that she chose to live and go on with life and take
care of herself as a woman, wife, mother, writer
·
Shows readers that
grief is love in action. To let ourselves grieve is to feel the depth of our
love for as long as it takes. For those of us whose children have died, that
may take the rest of our lives, but we will discover the gifts of our loss in
the process.
Book title: Leaving the Hall Light On: A Mother’s Memoir of Living
with Her Son’s Bipolar Disorder and Surviving His Suicide
What moment or
event sparked the inspiration for your memoir?
My son’s bipolar disorder that resulted in his suicide at
age twenty-seven. I journaled about my experience of losing my son to suicide
and wrote about it ad nauseum in a workshop I started attending shortly after
his death. The encouragement I received from my instructor and other workshop
attendees finally convinced me that I needed to get my story out to the public.
What would you
say are three things that you found to be the most difficult part of writing a
memoir.
1) Writing about the other characters in the book: my
husband and surviving son and my deceased son’s girlfriend
2) Being respectful of my son’s memory
3) Writing our story about my son’s mental illness and the
mental illness that ran rampant in my family in the most honest way I could
Were there any
issues you dealt with in real life that you hesitated to discuss in your memoir?
My memoir is pretty raw. I told the whole story in vivid
detail. That’s what I think is important
about memoir. It shouldn’t be a glossed over account like so many celebrities
write these days.
What if any
lessons did you learn writing this book?
No matter how much advice and editing help I had
throughout the process, I realized in the end that this was my book and I could
accept or reject the help as I saw fit.
What is probably
the most difficult thing you overcame as you grew up?
I was very chubby from the ages of four to twelve.
Fortunately my baby fat disappeared naturally during my puberty.
Was there any
warning signals that you or family learned to be alerted to?
I would say no. My father and brother ridiculed me and
called me names, and my mother didn’t buy me clothes that looked good on
me.
What main words
of support would you offer to those dealing with emotional illness in their
family?
Don’t tell people who are grieving how or how long to
grieve. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. For some the
grieving is never over.
Genre/Author/Reader and the process:
What genre and
age group does your book fall into?
Memoir for teenage and up.
What was the most
difficult part of sharing such an emotional experience and loss?
It was hard for me to even read what I wrote. When my
second publisher asked me to review it one last time for typos, I did it
kicking and screaming. It was one of the hardest assignments of my life.
However,
I felt if my book helps just one family get through what my family has been
through, it was worth it.
Could you
recommend three places or links where people could go to look for help?
1) Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services—transforms lives by
providing quality mental health and substance abuse services in communities
where stigma or poverty limits access
4760 S. Sepulveda Boulevard Culver City, CA 90230
310-390-6612
2) National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)—dedicated to
improving the lives of individuals and families affected by mental illness
3803 N. Fairfax Drive, Suite 100, Arlington VA 22203
3) The Compassionate Friends—for bereaved families and the
people who care about them, following the death of a child
900 Jorie Boulevard P.O. Box 3696 Oak Brook, IL 60522-3696
877-969-0010
Suicide Prevention and Stigma Prevention Blogs
Active Minds
Never Lose Hope: Keep Holding On,
Love
Sources of Strength
Connecting Peers and Caring Adults
We All Want to Help
Time to Change
How many books
have you written?
See bio.
What would you
tell others about acceptance instead of blame?
I felt a lot of guilt after my son died. I couldn’t help
blaming myself for not doing something to prevent his suicide. But looking back
– and I think people will see this in my book – I really did help him as much
as he would let me. It just takes a lot of time to accept what is. Even now
after over seventeen years, I still blame myself. I know for sure this and my
grief will never go away.
Are there any
precautions you must take in writing a memoir, such as sharing too much or
sharing not enough?
Be careful about writing about other people beside
yourself, especially if you’re going to use their real names. I changed names
for some people I wrote about in my memoir and gave others drafts to look at
and approve.
I am also an advocate of sharing a lot of the details. It
certainly wouldn’t have been worthwhile to write my memoir with less. However,
my niece remarked after reading my book that there was too much information for
her – she probably was referring to the intimate material I wrote about my
husband and me.
I had other issues as well since I chose to include quotes
from others. It’s important to get permission to use them, and that takes a lot
of time. And in one instance I had to pay to use a quote.
If you were to
recommend anything to someone planning on writing a memoir, what would it be?
It Takes a Village to Write a Book: Even though writing is a lonely business, a village of resources
helped and nurtured me from the time I started writing my memoir, Leaving the Hall Light On. I started
with journaling, at first sporadically and later, after reading and doing the
exercises in The Artist’s Way by
Julia Cameron (Putnam’s Sons, 1992), I wrote my morning pages, not missing a
day of keeping my fingers moving across the pages of my journal.
After
amassing about three years worth of journal entries I began to think about
turning them into a book. But, I was not a creative writer. My writing
experience consisted of writing, editing, and training engineers on reports and
proposals in the aerospace industry. So I went back to school to learn.
I took
fiction, essay, and memoir writing classes through UCLA Extension Writer’s
Program. The people from my first fiction class formed a writing group, meeting
monthly, sharing and gently critiquing each other’s writing.
A member
of that group spoke lovingly about Jack Grapes of the Los Angeles Poet’s and
Writer’s Collective, who taught classes in the living room of his family home.
Three months after Paul died I enrolled in Jack’s level one method writing
class, and for five years I worked my way up the level ladder, ending with a
poetry editing class. Many of the poems I wrote in the Grapes class are also in
my memoir.
When I
finally amassed enough material, I had no idea how to put it together. Luckily
my son Ben introduced me to a former literary agent who reviewed my work, gave
me writing prompts, and suggested I structure my book based on the sequence of
poems in my poetry manuscript. Though the book went through several changes
later on, her suggestions formed my book’s organization. Because I based my
book on my list of poems I was adamant that my poems appear in the book, and
fortunately my publisher agreed and even asked me to add more.
Once I
had a draft manuscript – edited by a woman referred to me by one of my
memoir-writing instructors – I started querying. Again through an introduction
from Ben, a CEO of a small press critiqued and advised me on my query letter
and book proposal – I used How to Write a
Book Proposal by Michael Larsen (Writer’s Digest Books, 1997). And once I
found my dream publisher, I spent months revising my book. I relied on
techniques I learned while working on proposals and a group of readers,
editors, and reviewers who worked with me until my book was published.
My
village generously helped me write my book.
What is the most
important thing you’ve learned, either in the self-publishing or traditional
publisher, route?
Be perseverant. Don’t give up. I sent out 68 query letters
before I found my publisher – a small press. Also be confident in your writing.
You are the last red pen. You have the last say about its content. You’ll know
when you’re finished and ready to market it. Good luck.
What part of the
writing process do you enjoy the most?
I like the organizing and the actual writing. Revision and
marketing are much harder to do and take more time.
What are your
thoughts about the decline of the printed novel?
It makes me sad. I love reading real books – either
hardback or paperback. And I regularly buy books at our local independent
bookstore, Pages. Even though I have an eBook version of my memoir for sale for
$2.99, I still would rather go to book signings and sell printed copies of my
book. That said, I do buy eBooks as well. Especially when I’m asked to review
books for virtual blog tours of my fellow authors.
Do you have any
ideas for your book and Hollywood? Actors, directors, music.
Jane
Fonda as the main character (me), and my son Ben, who is an actor, playing
himself. My deceased son Paul was a very talented jazz composer and pianist. I
would want his music as the theme song with sprinkles of John Lennon, Miles
Davis, and J.S. Bach throughout the film.
Which book to
movie conversion is your favorite?
Gone with the
Wind
What do you hope
readers will come away with, after reading your story?
I think these few testimonials will answer this question:
“Anyone who wants to learn how to live with children
or adults with bipolar disorder, must read this book.”
“I could imagine that this book might be helpful
for those dealing with bipolar disease or suicide in the family, but for those
of us fortunate enough not to have yet experienced those problems, it also
provides a very real look into how good but human people deal with the cruelty
of fate.”
“I am still struggling with the passing of my
son, Justin, 34 weeks ago and this book offered me hope that my grief can
soften and my life can continue on.”
“As
the mother of a suicide I can relate to so many of her comments. I hope her
book will become a source for others who are attempting to cope with bipolar
disorder and what suicide does to the family left behind….”
“I highly recommend this to anyone who is ready
to explore their deepest feelings.”
“The book is incredibly moving and has much to teach anyone
grieving the loss of a loved one. Or suffering any kind of loss—what
she learns along the way can be applied to so much that people go through.”
What lesson do
you think we can all learn about love?
Love doesn’t die when a loved one dies. My memories and
writing them down have helped keep my son and my love for him alive.
If you had one do
over in life, what would it be?
That I had given Paul a big hug the last night I saw him
alive. Maybe that would have produced the serotonin he needed to bounce out of
his depression and not kill himself.
What and who first
inspired you to write?
I’ve been a writer of some sort
since grade school (inspired by my seventh grade teacher), although I only
began concentrating on creative writing in the mid 1990s. I wrote for my high
school newspaper, studied journalism in college, and worked for years and years
as a writer and editor on reports, brochures, and proposals, and most recently
websites in the aerospace industry. I also have written many funded grant
proposals. But creative writing is my love – especially poetry. That began
almost spontaneously during a writing workshop at Esalen in Big Sur, CA, in the
late 1990s, and I’ve been writing poetry ever since.
Current book or project you’re working on:
I’m working on a historical novel.
An editor is currently reviewing it. I’m hoping to get some good constructive
advice on how to proceed with it or else be told I should shelve it and start
something else.
And recently I put together a poetry manuscript and a chapbook to
submit to contests.
I always have articles to write for
my own blog and the Naturally Savvy website where I’m the Over 60 editor.
Personal info:
Favorite:
Drink – red zinfandel wine
Food – avocado
Vacation – African safari
TV show – Downton Abbey
Movie – The Red Shoes
Animal – None
Sport – Tennis
Song – Unchained Melody
Comedy – Veep
Struggle – erasing the stigma of
mental illness and helping to prevent suicide
How can people connect with you?
Website/Blog: http://madelinesharples.com
Twitter: @madeline40
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/4541179.Madeline_Sharples
Where can readers find your book?
Pages a bookstore (Manhattan Beach)
Thank you so much, Barbie, for the interview and publicizing about my work. I very much appreciate your support. All best and a very happy new year to you. Madeline
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