Excerpt from PORTRAIT OF OUR MARRIAGE

“All we seem to do is argue lately,” I said, turning away from him. “All you care about is this secret world you’ve created with these fake girls in these porn sites and it’s taking you away from me. You’re obsessed.”

“It’s not an obsession. You don’t understand, it’s private.”

“Private? Brett, we’re married. Where do I fit in, in this private stuff? Look, I know masturbation is normal, but only to a point. How do you think it makes me feel that you’d rather be masturbating to an online site than having real sex with me? It’s all phony. Those women are fake; fake breasts, fake smiles. It’s an unhealthy world you’ve become addicted to. You’re throwing our life away for them.”

“Damn it, Nicky, I’m not throwing our life away. Quit picking fights over it. I never bother you when you read those stupid romance novels. You can’t tell me those books aren’t full of smutty sex scenes. Why is it okay for women to read those books with vividly written sex scenes, but it’s not okay for men to look at porn? What’s the difference?”

“Oh my God, I can’t believe you’d even ask that. There’s a huge difference. Women read those novels as a fantasy. They’re stories about someone having their dreams fulfilled, finding the right guy who cares about them, emotionally and sexually. The stories have vividly written sex scenes, yes. But the characters also overcome some hardship, which is resolved and then there’s a happy ending. Women may get a charge from reading the sex scenes, but then we don’t choose masturbation with ourselves over a real relationship. We don’t choose a book over a real man. Plus, romance novels don’t deter from a couple’s sex life. If anything they enhance it by putting women in the mood.” I sighed. “We’re aware the books are fantasy and not real life.”

“Guys like porn for the fantasy, too. Heck, Nick, I’m not out on the prowl fooling around. I work hard and I’m faithful, you should be thankful for that. Plus, you know you and I are good together. Both of us have made mistakes and I’ve said I’m sorry about the other day. If you want to keep arguing you go on ahead because I think I’ve said all there is to say.” He exhaled a heavy sigh and looked away. “I’m tired and thirsty,” he said, distracted, as he looked around the kitchen counter. “Is there enough coffee for me to have another cup?”

“I’m not saying I’m perfect. I’ve made my share of mistakes, too, but this is different from a mistake, and yes, I’ll pour you some more coffee.” I said, filling his cup and setting it on the counter. “Ignoring our problems won’t make them go away.”

“You’re making too big of deal about this,” he said, moving closer so he could embrace me; instead, I moved away and refilled my cup.

“That’s not going to work, your charm. We need to really talk,” I said as I picked up his cup and handed it to him, “I need to know if you can stop watching porn.”

Taking a sip from his cup he said, “Yes, I could quit, but I don’t want to. I don’t think there’s a need for me to stop. I’ve kept it hidden so you don’t see it. You’re seeing this all the wrong way, but if you want to talk, we’ll talk. I just don’t know if we’re going to agree,” he said, downing his coffee and setting his cup down. “I need to go to work.” He looked at his watch and left.